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Local guy Steve Jobs, 42, a relatively unknown guy and often eats lunch at seven-eleven, announced Monday the completion of his two-day acquisition of Microsoft, Google, and Amazon.
“I have plans too of acquiring MySpace, Yahoo, Intel, and the Whitehouse”
“I am now the undisputed leader of Software, Internet Search, Advertising, and E-commerce,” said Steve Jobs, while busily writing his keynote on a Vista-powered Vaio for an afternoon meeting at Redmond. “Plus, I now employ 79,000 + 15,916 + 13,900 full-time staff in more than 200 hundred countries.”
In connection with the acquisition Jobs bought the three companies in cash. “I would not buy anything other than with cash,” said Jobs, “credit card is definitely out the question. I am not like other people who buy things like Xbox, or Ipod, or LCD TV carrying a card; I always bring my money with me for important takeovers. Certainly, I had cash with me when I bought Microsoft, Google, and Amazon.”
Steve Jobs confessed that this video warped his poor fragile mind and put him into IT company spending spree.
Steve Jobs stated that there are big challenges he must face now that he owns the three companies. “One of the first issues I must face is time management—how do I handle three companies at once? Another one is—where do I put my office? In Microsoft or Google or Amazon? But most important of all questions is—where is the pantry?”
“And how do I get there?”
“One of the minor issues I am currently thinking now,” said Steve Jobs, “is—what do I do with Bill Gates or Steve Balmer? Or with the Google guys…and add to that…the Amazon guys? Buying companies is all a piece of cake if not for these employees.”
“Corporations are cool if you remove all the staff,” said Steve Jobs in insightful realization.
Apple's Steve Jobs expressed serious concerns about his company being acquired by Steve Jobs.
“Look at this Iphone, Steve Jobs” murmured Apple's Steve Jobs, “You are under my spell…1..2..3”
Steve Jobs is also contemplating the necessity for him to plan ahead when there are special occasions like Christmas party or Valentine’s Day. “Which party should I go to?” he asked. “Can I just send Bill Gates to represent me in the party in Microsoft if ever the Google guys convinced me to attend there? And who will I assign to in Amazon? What if I am not available and cannot go to any of the three parties, like say, when I am sick?”
No matter how daunting the tasks are in front of Steve Jobs, not to mention his complete lack of experience working in a corporate environment, there are certain things he said he is sure and fond of—like redefining the “mission and vision” of his newly acquired companies.
“Now that I have unified Microsoft, Google, and Amazon,” Steve Jobs said, “the mission and the vision I have are:”
Mission: “To acquire all profitable companies in the world unified under a single benevolent enlightened one”
“I have plans too of acquiring MySpace, Yahoo, Intel, and
Apple's Steve Jobs expressed serious concerns about his company
